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The house that built me....

July 15, 2010

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so there is this song I was recently "introduced" to that has stuck with me and really impacted me; The House that Built Me by Miranda Lambert. The person who "introduced" me to it had no idea that just 3 days prior that I had stopped by my childhood home and walked up to the driveway but did not have the nerve to knock on the door. I literally felt sick. You see, I grew up in a very dark place that hold many horrific memories for me. It is not a place I think of and say "wow, I remember the time we laughed, and had a good time. Oh the memories" It is actually a place I spent years trying to forget. Yet, here I was standing in the driveway and trying not to throw up from being face to face with my stolen childhood. After standing there for what seemed like forever I truned and with legs shaking headed back to the truck and got in. I turned around and looked at my two small children in the back seat. I have told them stories about that house through rose colored glasses in order to shield them from some of it. I watched them giggling over the movie they were watching, headphones on and completely unaware that the kindercare parking lot they were in was a dragon that their mommy was facing and slaying right as they were being .... children. You see, MY children will never have to know the rejection of their mom or the abuse of a stepfather. They will not have to live in fear of a hand or fist being raised at them. This place of darkness that I endured has built me to be a better mom and person. I am in a strange way grateful for it. However, one day I WILL get up the nerve, knock on the door, and touch walls that once held me prisoner and walk out able to see them as just man made construction and nothing more.
So, thank you ... (you know who you are) for sharing that song. It really impacted me and was just what I needed to hear that day.

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