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emotional...

July 15, 2010

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I had a pretty emotional day yesterday. Friends of mine just had their first baby and I went to go see them. To hold this little one was precious. She had the face of an angel and just was, sincerely, beautiful. I found my arms acheing to be filled again with another baby... you know how it is mama's we all get that "twinge" of an urge at times. After praying for mom, dad and baby. I headed out. This is where the emotional part comes in. You see, the hospital where I was at was the one that all three of my babies were born; and where my first baby boy was brought in for what they thought was treatable pnemonia and hours later he lost his life....three doors down from where I was standing. I found my feet walking towards the room and I could not stop. I stood at the doorway and felt such a terrible pain in my heart. I miss my son dearly. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about him. There will always be an empty place that will not be able to be filled. I began to have that day played out in my head. All the way to the part where God met me in the little office behind where I was standing. I had an encounter with God that day. I was NEVER going to live my life the same again. Never live my life in a haze of "religion" or as I like to say.. trying to BE good enough to earn grace. Trying to DO all the right things to "be" a "christian". I made my path clear that day. I was going to live a transparent life before GOD and MAN. I was not going to hide behind masks and false pretence. Life is so short. In an instant we can be gone, or ones we love can be gone. LIVE each moment that way. Be reminded that God not only loves you, but he loves everyone. If we are not willing to be REAL and let God use our "not so fuzzy" goddie moments, than how do we expect Romans 8:28 to be put into action? We are to give God EVERYTHING... the GOOD, the BAD , the UGLY, the REAL.

So, sorry about the sappy post everyone.. but this is my heart today.

H

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