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not your "pep talk" kinda blog today...

July 15, 2010

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This is going to be a DOOSIE today folks so read only if you can handle the writings of a person who has been hurt and is now venting through a keyboard to feel a tad better.
Friendship. What exactly IS that? I mean I USED to think it was when people were there for another person and enjoy their company and want to be there for them when times get rough. Well, it seems I was (cue annoying LOUD last second 3 point shot buzzer noise) nope.. WRONG!!
I have felt the complete sting of finding out that a person I thought was a "real" friend of mine was not and I am dealing with the emotions in different ways.
I have always been an upbeat person.. an optimist if you will. A hippie chick love peace and all that stuff. It is tough for me to be cynical for longer than like a day or two.. maybe. But this situation has me feeling like this for almost 3 weeks now and I HATE this feeling. Like really really HATE it. This is not "me". I don't get "hurt" per say by people and how they treat me.. right? I mean what does it matter anyway? See.. that right there.. the whole "what does it matter anyway" crap.. THAT is not "me". The TRUTH is it matters a lot to me. This person mattered... OK.. matters a lot to me. And to lose this friendship as tough as I want to be.. is really hurting bad and I do not want to become a cynical, bitter do not trust anyone type of person. I could really use a good cry I guess.. problem? I really do not cry all that much, and when I do it is NOT pretty.. like snot, blubbering, and sometimes even the HUGE consumption of ice-cream and/or chocolate (in ANY form).
So, the point of this whole blog today... well... you get to peek into my soul and see I am human I guess. I am attempting to find a way to deal with losing this friendship and am also trying to scrape off this disgusting facade of cynicism and dig out hope that has fueled my soul for my entire life. Who knows? Maybe this will make me stronger.... OK, OK.. now I am just sounding like one of those 1987 "after school specials" where Tina smoked a joint and drives drunk but she is only 7... NOT wanting to go there.

Anyway, no worries.. I now feel a little bit better.. thanks for those of you..(if there is anyone left reading this dribble) who read my venting... sorry, not such an "uplifting" go conquer the world speech Heather today... but it is all good...

H

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